I loved, I lost, and I did turn out better for it.

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I have never been in love. I have loved and do love. Without judgment, without remorse. I do not find it tiring and I have never felt a limit. I am good at loving people unconditionally — it is one of my many unmarketable skills. But I have never been in love.

I subscribe to the Jeannette Winterson school of emotion: Love isn’t a commodity so it doesn’t have to be in short supply.

My friends are the only form of permanence I accept. As peers and allies, they are fundamentally associated in my mind with safety, happiness and fun…

Now you’re just stressed AND exhausted.

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It’s 10 o’clock. Crunch time. What you do now will have a profound effect on how your day, your week, your month will turn out. You woke up this morning and solemnly promised yourself the same thing that you do every morning: tonight will be the night; tonight you will get an early night. You’re tired, but that’s not new. You’re always tired. Busy people are, aren’t they? Besides, there’s so much to do; so much to see. So tomorrow, definitely tomorrow, tomorrow is the day for the early night.

Sound familiar?

I first heard the term “revenge bedtime procrastination”…

Respecting your past to free your future.

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Unhappiness is insidious. It colours our perspective on everything. When we’re not happy with who we are or where we are in our lives, it’s easy to allow that feeling to seep into everything. We’re not satisfied in our jobs, love lives, fitness or any of the myriad of things for which society gives us unhelpful self-judgment benchmarks. That comes with a sense of insecurity. The very fact of discontent is the constant reminder that discontentment is a possibility in our lives; that it might last. …

Depravation is not the key to success.

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We have a romantic notion that true development is born out of torment. We think of tortured artists; the great toil it took to build the wonders of the world; the pain it takes to bring almost anything into the world. But in our everyday lives, this isn’t realistic. In fact, it’s one of the main things which gets in our way as people.

Sacrificing Joy

Something I hear a lot as a coach is the phrase: “I didn’t think that I deserved it.” I work with a large variety of people, each working towards improving something about their lives. Whether it’s…

Distancing ourselves from something which connects us

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I’m just going to come out and say it: I don’t love the word “ally”. Well, that’s not quite true. I’m troubled by it in its shiny new corporate context.

As an EDI consultant, it’s one that I use all the time — using “EDI” can itself be problematic, so I’m not positioning myself as above anyone else — but ally is a term that causes me particular discomfort.

In a time when it is (thankfully) seen as a good thing to be mindful of other people’s struggles, it has become something of a badge of honor to self-identify as…

They’re not just going to let you be who you are.

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My mother has always described going through life as a black woman as “playing the game on hard”. Although I’ve had many more privileges than she had, I can’t help but agree with this observation. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being surrounded by racists for my entire life. But, then again, so has everyone. That’s just how the world is. One of my earliest memories of my schooling is someone asking me why I was “that colour” (emphasis very much not added). Living as a normal person whom the world is seemingly trying to convince is not normal, has…

There’s nothing new under the sun.

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We are all different from each other. This seems like an obvious statement but I’m here to tell you that it isn’t. Not to everyone. With an increased focus on “diversity” every time there’s a high profile failure of co-existence, the narrative seems set as a new and novel issue. There’s a feeling that this is a fresh issue, something we need to grapple with now because it’s more relevant now than it ever has been before. The truth, as is so often the case, bears little resemblance to this commonplace assumption.

A few years ago the BBC posted a…

How to Stop Doing It

Racists make terrible managers.

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Managing other people is a daunting task. We don’t give that fact enough attention. As much time as we spend in our careers strategising how to win a promotion or make our millions through that start up idea we had, we dedicate very little to how we’re going to handle the increased inter-personal responsibility of being in charge of other people. In a culture that is getting less and less relaxed about grievous and inappropriate mismanagement (perhaps especially around race), I’m looking at some key stumbling blocks when it comes to managing a diverse staff.


A tale of suburban warfare.

Photo by Affan Shaikh on Unsplash

It was held up by a symbiotic relationship with a grape vine and an ivy. In a certain sense, it was only half of itself. The other half devoted to the cultivation of the lives which would keep it standing in its later years. It had been there for the vast majority of my life. Like many things, I only noticed how nice it was when it was gone.

Gone is the beautiful grape vine, the pretty criss-cross shadows on the lawn in the late afternoon, the scenic ivy. In their place we have… a fence. Well, part of a…

I don’t really want things to go “back to normal”.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

With today marking the first real stage of pandemic re-opening in the UK, I’ve been thinking a lot about what life is going to look like for me in a couple of months. Instead of getting lost in a tempting spiral of negativity — I can model it for you: mourning the last year and anxious about what comes next — I’ve decided to curate the benefits. We all know that 2020 sucked, but there have also been benefits. So I decided to engage with positivity and list them here. …

KLB Finch

KLB Finch is a Lawyer, Diversity Consultant, Coach & Writer from the UK. She’s constantly revising her opinions & sorting through her thoughts.

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