I loved, I lost, and I did turn out better for it.

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I have never been in love. I have loved and do love. Without judgment, without remorse. I do not find it tiring and I have never felt a limit. I am good at loving people unconditionally — it is one of my many unmarketable skills. But I have never been in love.

I subscribe to the Jeannette Winterson school of emotion: Love isn’t a commodity so it doesn’t have to be in short supply.

My friends are the only form of permanence I accept. As peers and allies, they are fundamentally associated in my mind with safety, happiness and fun…

They’re not just going to let you be who you are.

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My mother has always described going through life as a black woman as “playing the game on hard”. Although I’ve had many more privileges than she had, I can’t help but agree with this observation. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being surrounded by racists for my entire life. But, then again, so has everyone. That’s just how the world is. One of my earliest memories of my schooling is someone asking me why I was “that colour” (emphasis very much not added). Living as a normal person whom the world is seemingly trying to convince is not normal, has…

There’s nothing new under the sun.

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We are all different from each other. This seems like an obvious statement but I’m here to tell you that it isn’t. Not to everyone. With an increased focus on “diversity” every time there’s a high profile failure of co-existence, the narrative seems set as a new and novel issue. There’s a feeling that this is a fresh issue, something we need to grapple with now because it’s more relevant now than it ever has been before. The truth, as is so often the case, bears little resemblance to this commonplace assumption.

A few years ago the BBC posted a…

How to Stop Doing It

Racists make terrible managers.

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Managing other people is a daunting task. We don’t give that fact enough attention. As much time as we spend in our careers strategising how to win a promotion or make our millions through that start up idea we had, we dedicate very little to how we’re going to handle the increased inter-personal responsibility of being in charge of other people. In a culture that is getting less and less relaxed about grievous and inappropriate mismanagement (perhaps especially around race), I’m looking at some key stumbling blocks when it comes to managing a diverse staff.


A tale of suburban warfare.

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It was held up by a symbiotic relationship with a grape vine and an ivy. In a certain sense, it was only half of itself. The other half devoted to the cultivation of the lives which would keep it standing in its later years. It had been there for the vast majority of my life. Like many things, I only noticed how nice it was when it was gone.

Gone is the beautiful grape vine, the pretty criss-cross shadows on the lawn in the late afternoon, the scenic ivy. In their place we have… a fence. Well, part of a…

I don’t really want things to go “back to normal”.

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With today marking the first real stage of pandemic re-opening in the UK, I’ve been thinking a lot about what life is going to look like for me in a couple of months. Instead of getting lost in a tempting spiral of negativity — I can model it for you: mourning the last year and anxious about what comes next — I’ve decided to curate the benefits. We all know that 2020 sucked, but there have also been benefits. So I decided to engage with positivity and list them here. …

Part of who you are is what you’re not

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We often hear that “healthy boundaries” are an integral part to functioning as a healthy adult and, as a reformed PPP (that’s a people-pleasing perfectionist), I’m here to tell you that it’s true. Boundaries are the personal limits we set which regulate the interactions we have with the people around us. They are made by you, for you and about you. They maintain the integrity of who we are as individuals and allow us to maintain our wellbeing, without losing ourselves in the people around us.

So let’s take a closer look at boundaries, what they are and the role…

Turns out you really do need to beware of pity

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If you get to know me for any length of time, there’s a high chance that I will at some point have gifted, lent or recommended to you Stefan Zweig’s only novel, Beware of Pity. Reading it for the first time was one of the few revelatory experiences I’ve had and profoundly changed my approach to almost every aspect of my life. It is not my favourite book, I should say that from the outset, but it is certainly one of the most important — and best — that I’ve ever read.

I first read Beware of Pity when I…

Most organisations are guilty of these Equality, Diversity and Inclusion red flags

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I’ve been sitting on this for a little while because I wanted to get my thoughts together and not just add to the noise. Any time there’s “drama” with the Royals, it can feel like it’s just noise or just entertainment; something that doesn’t have any real impact on culture as a whole. While that may be true on a certain level (most of us don’t have to worry about funding our security teams!), there are certain aspects of that interview which offer an important lesson about the treatment of so-called “outsiders” in established institutions.

As someone from a similar…

Resilience is the real key to success

Photo by Charlie Hammond on Unsplash

As a coach, one of the things I’m asked to help people improve the most is their “confidence”. Most people, it turns out, feel like they need to work on their confidence before they can succeed. There’s a world of businesses, creative projects and relationships that, apparently, are waiting for the magic touch of confidence before they can actually materialise.

Now, I’m not saying that self-confidence is unimportant. Positive self-regard is a key factor in any healthy approach to life. But I do have a problem with the totemic quality “self-confidence” seems to have gained. …

KLB Finch

KLB Finch is a Lawyer, Diversity Consultant, Coach & Writer from the UK. She’s constantly revising her opinions & sorting through her thoughts.

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